It’s a fine line between boldness and foolishness. I sometimes cross that line the wrong way and pay the penalty. I do not suffer fools gladly.
Unfortunately, my work puts me in context with too many souls who are all about "staying safe." They cringe at the slightest thought of political disfavor. Never make the hard call. Deal with disagreement by hiding and trying to ignore. Eventually it costs them their integrity and, despite intentions to do just the opposite, their jobs.
That’s not to say that boldness is any better when it comes to keeping one’s job. I lost my biggest job because I spoke to the truth too loudly, too insensitively. And I may be on the path to the same fate now. It is a gruesome journey that leads one back to the wilderness. A place, fortunately, where you often meet God, though your friends and colleagues find reason to deny or ignore you.
There is a telling sequence in Casablanca. The smarmy Peter Lorre character says to the Humphrey Bogart character, "You don’t like me, do you Rick?" To which Bogart replies after a pregnant pause, "I suppose, if I gave you any thought, I wouldn’t."
A flaw in my character finds it hard to be ignored, especially by people I work hard to serve (perhaps that better reads, "work hard to please," a better capturing of the dysfunctional side of my thinking). I grow impatient, confrontive, critical – anything to try and break the unhealthy silence. Usually, I lose. The game players win. At least for now.
I strive for a better way; I fail, most times, to find it. Oh that my faith could withstand my fear of walking away from a job.